It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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