He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
