i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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