Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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