hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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