he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
