M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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