Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
