if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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