doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
