Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
