you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
