hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
