Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
