Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
