I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
