If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Less talking, more tequila
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
