you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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