i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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