my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
