Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
