I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
