Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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