your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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