so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
