That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i would punch a child for taco bell
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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