I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
