"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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