Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
