Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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