i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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