Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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