Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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