i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
