Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
