It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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