I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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