I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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