I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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