Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
