I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
