i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Kiss
Puke
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
