it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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