he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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