On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize