you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
