I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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