i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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