It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
