i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
