Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
