got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
