i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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