she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
