So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
