I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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