She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
