I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
