Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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