alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
