okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
