So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
