she woke up with a sticky ear
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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