I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize