Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
