see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think my moral compass just broke
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
