How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
