Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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