Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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