The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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