Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
birth control should be required to get into college
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
