He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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