I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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