I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Alive.
So much puke
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
